Girl on the Net is the sort of girl who is “normally more than happy to get a bit pissed and fuck.” Excellent. She’s the sort of girl you want to meet whether you’re a guy or a girl, though she does admit that oral does less for her than straight-up, outright cock. For her there is no substitute, but there are girls, and girls are hot. So far as I know she never quite experiments with a strap-on, but she does just about everything else, and the results will have you having one hand in your pants as you read.
This is a definite endorsement. She titles one chapter, “I like my men like I like my coffee: in my mouth first thing in the morning” (Which is also an endorsement of her work and mindset).
The book’s firmest declaration of purpose comes 85% through it: “We should talk about sex more. I accept that it can be tricky to work the conversation round from ‘What shall we see at the cinema?’ to ‘Can I piss on your face?’” Consider this writing an effort to talk more and talk better about sex.
Girl on the Net’s story is about many things. Like talking about sex, as mentioned above. And learning to gracefully accept and move on from rejection. It takes many people a long time to learn to accept or even embrace rejection. If there is one piece of romantic advice I’d give my teenage self, it’s to not care about rejection. One says no, another says yes. The next one will be better. No one is to everyone’s taste.
Not everyone has the same tastes, either. Girl on the Net’s tastes are towards the prolific, but not for any of the dumb pop-psych reasons that populate popular magazines:
Disappointing though it’s proven to be when I explain to people why I liked sleeping with strangers, there isn’t a deeper issue here. I don’t have low self-esteem, I’m not craving a father figure, I’m not trying to make up for a childhood incident in which I was told I was unattractive and worthless. I slept with guys because I liked sleeping with guys.
Sometimes good sex is just good sex.
Sometimes good sex is prolific. The author never names her partners; she merely numbers them, as with that prolific sex: “Like most good things, sex is best had in abundance. This is my way of saying that numbers three, four and five happened at the same time.” Yes, yes, and yes.
But there are other things happening in the book too. Recalling her early teenage experiences, Girl on the Net writes:
Although the contents of someone else’s pants is unrelentingly fascinating when you’re that age—and, if I’m completely honest, it still is not, even though I should be concentrating on more adult things like mortgage payment and regrouting the bathroom—the fun of touching them is far outweighed by the fun of rubbing the contents of your own pants against them.
Very true, but why are mortgage payments more fun or important? Once you’ve paid the mortgage then what do you want to do the unit you’ve labored so hard to buy? Chances are good that the answer is “rubbing the contents of your own pants against” those in your partners’.
Based on her contemporary photos, it is hard to believe that Carina was not a very, very popular teenager, but she says otherwise. But people do change, and they overestimate how much they can change in one year and underestimate how much they can change in ten.
Girl on the Net also says things that almost no one else will, like: “Cheating on someone is like breaking a particularly arduous diet: knowing that what you’re doing is bad makes it all the more delicious. The stronger your moral feeling against it, the sexier it is to be fucked by someone who isn’t your boyfriend.” Rather nice to admit, no?
She is fond of the word “slick,” which is underused regarding sex, as when she has sex with her second partner while her boyfriend is in another room:
There wasn’t much room, just a narrow corridor between the shelves of paint tins and the workbench where my cigarette was still burning in the ashtray. He turned me around, placed a firm hand on the back of my neck, and bent me over the workbench. I could hear that wonderful sound—the clink as he undid his belt buckle—and I slid my jeans down until I could just feel the waistband tight against the back of my thighs. I pulled my knickers down to meet them, presenting him with my backside and my slick, naked cunt.
This is worthy of literary analysis but really let’s admit that it inspires a solid wank. As do other moments. It is cute when Girl on the Net first encounters other women: She writes that “I’ll admit it—I still didn’t have a clue how to fuck girls.” She does learn, but, as most boys experience, fucking girls is not as simple as it’s commonly portrayed in porn. But it is quite satisfying and Girl on the Net learns quickly. The second girl she fucks happens while the boy she was fucking waits in the bedroom. They both get theirs, with Girl on the Net’s experience with “Number Nine” acting as hot, hot foreplay.
After a threesome Number eight asks Girl on the Net a hot, dangerous question:
Number eight, turning his smug, cheeky smile on me in bed one morning: 'What do you want?
Me, with a potentially worrying lack of hesitation: 'A gangbang.'
'No, really, what do you want?’
'A gangbang.’ Well, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
A good point and a useful one. If you won’t admit to what you want or won’t say it, you won’t get it. So say it! Don’t be silent. This Tumblr is a celebration of the “be not silent” principle. The worst a partner or partners can say is no. Sadly, though, she doesn’t really get it, at least in this point in the narrative.
Sadly, too, she goes to fetish parties that are sexually charged but where, frustratingly, no sex happens. This is hard:
When my friend asked, 'Why are you so obsessed with fucking guys?’ I couldn’t think of an answer. I wanted to say because it scratches an itch, or because they make me horny, or spanking just doesn’t quite hit the spot, but none of those would have conveyed the deep and urgent need that I felt running from bedroom to bathroom and back again with a guy I barely knew to get that one, satisfying second as he plunged himself into me and I could let out a satisfying shudder.
Yes. Why would you not be obsessed with fucking? It’s what we’ve literally evolved to do. It’s big for Girl on the Net and is probably big for everyone: “Number eight and I could not have survived without sex.” The better question is, how do some people survive without it? (And they are out there, so much so that a book has been written about the sexless marriage phenomenon.) Other forums related to the subject may be found online. Scary.
People are diverse and their desires are strange. Reading about them is hot. Still, we can’t help but be reminded by her book: You are fundamentally responsible for your own good sex, just as you are fundamentally responsible for your body and what you eat and for what you consume and most simply for who and what you are. Embrace it. Make your fantasies happen.
